The path was marked, it went from the tunnel to the goal post up the middle of the field to the 50 yard line where the official time clock was ticking. The sun was bright and I was so thankful I decided to wear my sun glasses. I didn't realize how thankful I would be. As I hit the grass running I looked across the field at the time clock. For a very brief moment I was afraid what I might see. I so did not want to see 50:00 no matter how I had prepared myself this would be a huge disappointment.
I kept running but turned my head to see the time, I focused in and could not believe what I saw. 41:50, no way! Once again I yelled YESS! Once again I am sure some people were thinking is she crazy that is a pretty slow little run. I could not believe it. I turned at the goal post and ran with what energy I could find. I could not contain myself and ran with both hands in the air. Part of the race is when you come in you are shown on the Jumbotron, big screens used in the football games. You would have thought I was carrying the game winning touch down to the end zone. I was so excited as I crossed the finish line the clock ticked over to 42 minutes and a few seconds. Three minutes below what my goal was. I ran a few more feet and began to cry, yet another reason i was glad I wore my sun glasses.
Everybody runs these races for their own reasons, most probably for fitness, some for a cause to raise funds for a charity but some of us run for our own personal victories. I was flooded with emotions some because I couldn't wait to share the accomplishment with my family and some because I had worked hard and accomplished a goal i had set for myself.
Everyone likes to win at something. I have always compared myself to others. I can always see the brilliance in others but come up short in figuring out what I am good at, figuring out what I am better at then people I know. I have two sisters whom I think are very talented, intelligent women. My mom has always had a knack for letting me know what I was not so great at. As I have mentioned in a previous blog I am old enough to know my strengths and weakness I know longer live in the shadow of the words of my mother, but still from time to time wonder what is my gift. Although I would not say I am a gifted runner, I will leave that title for the dude who ran his entire race before I reached mile 2. I would say I am a runner who has never quit a race I have started. I am the only one in my family who has ever run and the only one in my family to follow her passion after she was married.
As my tears continued to fall I realized I am back! I am on the road to where I was before. I may never run a Marathon again but I have taken back a piece of my life that was just that, MINE! With or without family or friends i will do this as long as I can. I love the company and companionship of family or friends when I run and will always encourage it, but I don't need it. I also realize this is something I like to do and my husband never has to like the act of getting out and running Although he is a great support and of course I could not do anything with out his support, I know this is just for me. All the hours of training and the early morning start times make it difficult for me to be there with our son as much as I was in the past, so my husband is an important part of this process. But, I also know this is a valuable lesson I am teaching my son. Find your passion, find away to hold on to it. while your life takes on more dimensions it's o.k. to do things on your own just for you(as long as the are legal).
I am not sure I knew several weeks ago when I signed up for this race what it really meant to me, but I know now. I can honesty say I completely, 100% know what I was doing there that day. I could do a few posts on the miracle a day theory but I am sure you get the point. As I started the day with a prayer I ended it in the same way giving God thanks for helping me finish, successfully completing my goal and for letting me feel young, hopeful and alive again.