Thursday, August 14, 2008

Mom con't

Just when I thought it was safe to leave, my mom would start to get out of bed and say she was going home. By this time it was 3:30 or so, check - in for our hotel was scheduled for 5:30. We had not finished packing or cleaning the house, not to mention we live an hour away from the hospital and another hour and a half the other direction from the resort.

My sister had stayed away for most of the day, taking a break knowing I was there. When my husband went to pick up my son he mentioned I was in need of some help. I thought she would come and tag in so I could be on my way.

At 4:00 my husband was sitting in the hallway of the hospital with my son, my mom was still the same and would not lay still and every 5minutes or so would try to get up, or take off her heart monitor or see some imaginary creature entering her room.
It became very apparent I had a choice to make. Was I staying to help w/my mom or was I going with my son and husband. The decision seems so easy, but it wasn't. It had been several years since my family had taken a vacation. Our family is not unique in any way shape or form. We are(were) a two income house hold and often times one was caring for B-man when the other was working. We are a family in which spends very little time together. B-man seldom has the undivided attention of both parents for longer then a few moments here or their. Also, I knew in a few weeks I was going to be traveling on my first missions trip, alone. I would be apart from my husband and son for the first time for a week. As weird as this may sound I had to consider something could go wrong and I may not return home from this trip. O.K.... I know this is a little dramatic but, does anyone know when something bad is going to take their life....did the people in 911 expect that day would be their last when the left for work that day. I wanted this trip to be fun and give B-man a host of fun memories for years to come. Whether or not I met my demise on my missions trip I wanted B to have a great summer vacation.

4:30 came and went my sister and I had been able to control my mom for a short period of time even engage her in a T.V. show for a moment. I walked to the hall way and found my wonderful loving husband sitting with my son on the floor. We had spent weeks talking about this trip. As I did for myself I also did for the family stating, we just need to finish this today, a few more days until vacation. we just have one more day of school until we are on vacation. We all had anticipated this day for quite sometime, and now it was all a mess.

I looked at my husband and ask what I should do! He was as torn as I, it seemed with me at the hospital things were calmer, my sister and I were able to balance each other and when Doctors came in, she was much more informed on my moms past medical history, but, had lost her tolerance with purple lizards and furry animals crawling in and out of the room. I walked my husband and son to the truck we all sat an reviewed our options. I went over the laundry list of things I still needed to do at the house. We realized something or someone had to give. Normally my husband is the least selfish person on the planet, but today was different, today he had envisioned for the past several months. This was our Wedding Anniversary, This was a hard earned vacation, this was not negotiable! As I sat in the truck outside the hospital the tension was thick. We continued to go back and forth with the options of what to do. Just Go! or stay and do what you know is the right thing to do! It seemed so unfair, this was not suppose to happen this way. Mom was suppose to be out of the hospital and recovering at home. She was going to go back to her house and sleep, and my sister and family were going to check in on her daily. Simple!

As the discussion in the truck became repetitive I knew no one was going to make this decision for me, not my sister, not my husband, no one. And, to top it off no one was going to make this decision easy for me. Each person wanted their own agenda to be first.

Something I should mention. As amazing as my mother is with all her strenth and determination in her life, she can also be quite cold, mean and difficult. Hence the reason with this extra boost of anger it made it extremely difficult to walk away from a 7 day vacation planned months in advance, race tickets, a day at Sea World with Shamus's biggest fan, and a beautiful,clean, freshly remodeled, non dog hair invested two bed, two bath, full kitchen hotel sweet!

As I made the decision I was staying at the hospital I began to cry. My husband was completely disappointed and when it registered to B I was not leaving with them on this trip he became a large crying puddle of 5 year old. At this point my plans were to stay with my mom until test were run, or we saw some improvement. When one of the two came to pass I would get a ride back to my house, jump on my handy dandy Harley and bike over to permitting.

Brock cried uncontrollably and kept repeating how he was going to miss me. This made me cry harder because I was sad, also sad I was making him sad, and looking at my husband. I knew how angry he was at the situation and how disappointed he was. The decision was made and their was nothing left to discuss. I was sad for my family sad for my mom, mad at my family mad at my mom. I closed the truck door and with huge regret walked in the rain back to the hospital door. I watch my husband drive away and knew the conversation my husband was having to try and calm my son down, it was going to take all his fatherly wisdom and powers he had developed over the last 5 years, and probably a promise of a Happy meal and a Slurpee!

1 comment:

Jenks said...

ok I'm guessing there's another blog coming, I hope there's another blog coming. One that say's you left the hospital shortly after.
I hope your mom's doing better.
I also really hope you were able to enjoy your vacation.